Betrayal
by UndyingSpirit
Summary: Where do you turn to if wherever you go, things and people will betray you?...Constant betrayal is around every corner...what should you do?...Warning: Light drug abuse & angst...


Hello, UndyingSpirit here with a fic for Code Geass. I've recently watched, and am still watching, the episodes of both the first and second season. I just had to write something for it. Thanks for taking the time to read it.

Disclaimer: I don't own it…simple as that

Betrayal

_Dark…The last few rays of the sun now gone from the sky._

_Lonely… The workers have left the site, back to their stagnant lives._

_Silent… The sounds ring heavily to block out its noise._

Lelouch sat on the stack of metal girders, silently reflecting upon his situation; no, his purpose now. He gazes at the ground, quietly thinking, analyzing, and all the while fingering the metal contraption within one pocket and a vial of red liquid in the opposite. His eyes remained flaccid, inhuman within its violet hue. Simply put, the life that once shown in his eyes faded with his hope, his purpose left in life.

_I find it, in my hand, the tools to my salvation. These tools will give me the satisfaction I need now. _

He pulled out his tools, gazing intently upon them, as a stray animal looking at a pile of food. He assembled them both happily and sadly, as though it were a jigsaw puzzle. When it was brought closer, he let his thoughts cloud his mind, willingly if it were to be described.

_Some have described its effects; euphoric, relieving, pleasurable. I want to see how good this thing can really be. Ironic, isn't it? I had morals about such things, done so much to keep towards my goals, and have fought to stop this thing from circulating, yet here I am, holding one of the things that I can have left from this world. I've truly fallen from grace, haven't I?_

He struggled now, trying to keep his arms steady, ready to inject the drug into his body. The last vision in his mind was that of his friends and family members. He paused when he saw them, smiling as they did back when things weren't so complicated. His body was momentarily paralyzed, stunned by their faces.

_Why do you show yourself now? Why do you look at me with such happiness? Are you deliberately mocking me?! You, each of you, have no right to do such a thing! You all…have betrayed me!_

Hysteria began to set in as his hands fell to the side; the tool dropping to the ground, replaced only by a clenched fist. His eyes widened with nothing but fury, his teeth buckled as tightly as his fists. Angrily, he gave his reasoning to their betrayal.

_The school staff…you betrayed me from the very beginning! You were willing to have me join the staff and for what? To humiliate me in manners so idiotically concocted. Rivalz, Milly, you two were always in on it together huh? Both of you caused me nothing but trouble ever since I came to the school. _

_Of course, I thank you Milly for keeping my secret, but I paid for it by becoming your unknowing, subservient slave for social matters._

_Rivalz, you ignorant, overly-hormoned fool! I just couldn't understand why you acted like such a joker around the staff. To me, you could have been better serving under Milly all day._

_Nina, how long have you played the "shy girl" card? I realized that you have as much right to be innocent as a man who just committed open murder. Did you personally want to deceive us all?_

His mind poured out all the memories of his school life as he neared the one whom he had been hurt by the most out of the school staff.

_Shirley, I will never understand why you would impose yourself on me every day. What am I to you? What WAS I to you?! Do you think I would let myself succumb to such stupid things like going to the movies or going out? Do you think I was just like any other guy in that sense?! Had you ever, at one point in your futile attempts, looked at me as a person rather than just a guy? What is even more stupid is that you would, and have purposely, shoot at me! I cannot condemn you for it though; it was just revenge, wasn't it? You should have never tried to allow yourself to become so close to me. In the end, it pained me the most to see you become something I had forced upon you. _

The memories transitioned to that of his double life, as Zero. His mind began to show the battles he had fought, and the people whom he both fought and protected.

_You are all idiots! You have betrayed not only me, but the whole of Japan as well! Your weakness is what caused you to become Britannia's slave. I gave you the opportunity to rise up against your oppressors, I even gave you many openings as well to strike back, and you fail me and Japan! So many worthless people! My Black Knights as well, you have failed me the most! You gave yourself up to temptation and victory that ended your lives, lives that could have been more useful had you followed my orders! Even you two as well, Kallen, and C.C._

_My most worthy person of being branded a traitor is you Kallen! A devoted follower, an ace in battle, so many things that you had made you stand out. I would praise you, sometimes openly and at other times secretly. You showed that you were willing to do what you could to make Japan a nation again. You were my right hand person out of the Black Knights, yet I can never forgive your insubordination at that moment, nor can I ever have the same feeling of trust in you since my return. You were there, with Suzaku and me; you even had a gun on you. Why didn't you stop him?! I had thought that you were a strong person, yet right then, I saw that weak side of you. You cowered in fear at my unmasked face, and then you left me to my fate. Yes, you deserted me in a crucial moment! Had you stayed, I would've saved Nunnally from my father's grasp! _

_C.C, you really are a witch aren't you? Our deal was that I stay alive so that I could fulfill our bargain. You also promised that you'd stay by my side. But you didn't stay truthful to those words have you? After seeing that person, your first contracted person, I had the feeling of being betrayed already in my mind. I had originally felt that I was your first, but I guess I was wrong. You have bewitched my head with probable outcomes and a sense of victory. I do thank you for the power of course, but what use is it now?! And just like Kallen, you weren't there when I needed you the most! You were supposed to be loyal to the contract, our contract! _

His pain would not stop here; no, his pain was far from ceasing. His mind began to flood with memories of his family. He grew angrier with their memories popping up and began to vent out his anger.

_Clovis, you were such a fool to become pompous like that. You deserved to die for your sins. You deliberately ordered the slaughter of Elevens in Shinjuku without giving reason! You were never that ruthless beforehand, even when I defeated you in chess. What is more ruthless was that you, like most of the royal family, never gave my family aid! What is a family to you? I know that it is not something you just forget when tragedy strikes! _

_Cornelia, you are no better than him. You too stood on the side lines while Nunnally and I were banished from the royal family. You destroyed many of my followers and innocent people. You became a cold-blooded murderer marauding under the guise of both viceroy and princess. You constantly stood in my way of getting the payment the royal family deserved! _

_Both of you, nothing more than ruthless people after our tragedy, have no right to be in the positions as you are now, except for you Clovis, you do deserve your fate. But I am still saddened, after what Euphemia had told me. Why did you bother to care about my family after our banishment? Had you ever once sought retribution for our mistreatment? Before, you were visiting us, playing with us, caring about us. But now, you have no care left for us, and neither do I for you. _

_Euphemia, your naivety was what made you betray me in the first place. Back then, when we were young, I did love you more than what I should've felt. But you were never there for us when we hit rock bottom. You fled to get an education; that was it. Nunnally missed you more than them, I missed you as well. When you showed yourself to me after so long, I wanted you to go see Nunnally, so that way, she could be at ease a little more. At the time of the gathering for the Special Administrative Zone of Japan, I had wanted to see just how far you would've gone to attain Japan's independence. I had wanted to join it because it was fundamentally a way to oppose Britannia, and having you around would have definitely kept Nunnally happy, but my Geass had gone out of control. I never wanted to kill you, but you gave me no other choice. _

_My father…had he not banished me and Nunnally, all of this would have never happened_

_Dad, you had never been there for any of your children, probably not even for your wives. You betrayed me by never acknowledging me as your son. You created me as I am now; through your words, I've done what you have spent years on doing. I'd gladly thank you for this, but you by far are not even worth thanking. _

He grasped his anger as his attention move toward the people he treasured the most out of his life. These people would eventually cause him the most harm.

_Mother, the only betrayal you have ever caused me was your death. I cannot be mad at you because of this, and not for any other reason given. Your death had caused me to turn into my father, ruthless and detached from those affiliated with me. You gave me life, happiness, love and compassion. But your death is what keeps me from accepting forgiveness from anyone. _

_Suzaku, you betrayed me in so many ways. First off, you betrayed me when you joined the Britannian army in the hopes of changing that society from within. I told you before that the world that I came from was one that cannot easily be changed like that. Second, you betrayed me when you piloted the Lancelot. At that moment, you had shown your obedience to the government that I hate. Third, and most likely the ultimate one of all, is that you sold me off to my father. I had not expected that you, of all people, whom I placed my trust in, would bring me to my most hated enemy. What is even more irritating was that you were appointed a high position as a reward. You prospered through my pain and suffering. I had thought that this would be the last of the betrayals, but the final one is that you continue to stand in my way. What is even worse is that the only person whom I would never expect to betray me had chosen you over me. Yes, Nunnally had chosen your way instead of mine; she chose to go with her friend over her own blood brother._

His fists gripped tighter at the sight when Nunnally called out to Suzaku instead of her brother. He began to chuckle half insanely at the thought of Nunnally.

_My sister, Nunnally has forsaken me as well. I would have never imagined such a thing for you, sister. You never knew about my intentions, and for that I'm sorry. All I have done, all that has been done, was to seek retribution for what has happened to our family. Our mother is dead, and you have been crippled by the same event that took our mother. Do you remember that promise we made? Did you even remember it before you chose to go with Britannia? I do, yet now, I don't know what to believe anymore. I promised you that I would create a world where we could live in, a world where you could be happy forever. Yet all of it was for naught it seems, for now the only person I ever hoped to please, the one whom I've committed so much to, has sided with the one I chose to destroy. I know that the nights were lonely and that I had never given that much time to you, but the fact is that you weren't faithful at all, that you betrayed me in the end. I cannot come to terms with it. Why did you betray me? Did you find my methods inadequate? Did you find me different than before? Had all the actions of Zero failed to live up to your expectations? Have I failed you as a brother and as a protector? All I see now is your face plastered everywhere. You've become a tool to Britannia, something I never wanted for you. Your face now replaces my own, or rather Zero's face. Zero has become nothing when you were shown to the public. I've become nothing. Am I no longer needed now that you have power? I can see it all now, and am still seeing it; my followers are leaving me, my friends are leaving me, YOU…are leaving me behind. I cannot bear it anymore, Nunnally. The last light in my life is fading, and I don't know what to do anymore._

Tears welled up into the boy's face as he fell to his knees against the rubble. Falling freely, the boy lost his purpose. His hands grew loose, his body grew limp, and his head sagged against the air. But it was then that his hands felt the metal tool. His eyes slowly gazed at the tool. His mind was too scattered to discriminate anything. He picked up the tool and placed it towards his arm. He paused for a moment.

_It grants euphoria, happiness to those who take it. If so…_

Lelouch pulled the trigger.

_Then let it grant me my own happiness!_

It was an ironic name to give it; Refrain. The best possible solution to the drug was to refrain from using it. But it was not refraining itself from spreading through the body and into his mind. In an instant, Lelouch had found his mind wandering from the present to the past, revealing memories long forgotten.

_So this is what it feels like. This… is… "Refrain"._

It was just a few minutes until Lelouch began to hallucinate, or rather to experience what he has already done so. He remembered his past and his own happiness as well. He began to see his friends laughing and having fun, he saw his family smiling in the sun, and what he witnessed was happiness. Yes, he felt happiness in his drug-induced state, but he saw what it truly was a few minutes after wandering the ground aimlessly, chasing after his own dreams. What he had seen was only an illusion of happiness.

The memories kept on flooding, first the good, and now the bad. His eyes widened in horror as he began to relive his worse nightmares. He began to remember various sounds and sights; windows breaking with the sound of bullets being shot off, the screaming of people in horror from the sight of a dead woman covering her traumatized daughter now crippled from bullet wounds to the legs, explosions and blood-curdling cries of the executed and the innocent, words of malice shouted through the air, words of hate towards the creation, the mechanical beating of machines in hospitals, the voice of despair and exile merging with each other creating a hailstorm of depression and death. All of this rang throughout the boy's head, splitting the brain as it kept resonating. He clutched his temples, desperately trying to gain control while at the same time trying not to lose his mind. He cried in both sorrow and pain from the memories, begging forgiveness and understanding while the torment continued. Each new memory brought with it both levity and chaos, and each time Lelouch found a much harsher punishment waiting for him until he finally succumbed to his psychological and physical fatigue.

Lying on the ground, Lelouch had passed out from the agony he had just suffered. It was only a few minutes that passed by and Lelouch felt sensations that he never had, and never thought possible. His breathing calmed down drastically, his body grew fatigued by the anguish that Lelouch tried to hold back. His eyes, red from the tears, had remained closed, tired of trying to produce the tears waiting to be shed. Lelouch stayed on the rubble, waiting for his mind to clear the drug, and the memories away. When his mind was rested, Lelouch began to realize something about him that he had overlooked countless times, something that he had not want to admit to himself the most.

_I guess that I am the biggest traitor of all. I have never thought that I was before, but I guess that was due to my pride. I have betrayed them, as they have done to me. But I know now that I had been betraying them the most. My friends and family have neither known who I was nor who Zero was. I've never let anyone get that close before, except maybe Nunnally. I've betrayed them by not telling them of my intentions, and I have betrayed myself by following my own personal path. _

Lelouch had felt a tugging sensation at his face and soon his eyes opened. He did not see anyone or anything moving. From his spot, Lelouch sat up cross-legged and scratched the pebbles from the back of his head.

"Must've been a bug or something" said Lelouch nonchalantly as he rose from his spot.

Lelouch found himself at a loss. In the first place, he was brooding over his lost purpose, yet now he found himself at ease and clear headed. He had not quite understood what he felt now, but he knew that this was the turning point to 'his' story.

"Maybe, I can still turn things around" he said confidently. "I'll just have to think of a way around this. So what if Nunnally is going to become the Viceroy? They can never change the fact that Zero still lives, so long as I live. I will do all I can to keep Nunnally away from my actions and confrontations. They haven't seen the last of me yet!"

With this, Lelouch headed home, crushing the tool under his feet. He had felt something similar to what he had felt when he opened his eyes. The tugging sensation was back, but this time, Lelouch knew exactly what it was…a smile of satisfaction.

A quick one shot story of how Lelouch rebounded back. Thanks for reading it you guys.

Quick Message: Don't do drugs people, they can mess you up. Bye


End file.
